Last week I passed a threshold of fatherhood that I didn’t realize was there. It was like an initiation going from brand-new-wet-behind-the-ears fatherhood to oh-God-oh-God-I-am-someone’s-FATHER fatherhood.
It started with wrestling and deep tummy laughter as Kai, Ivy and I brawled our way from room to room, the girls armed with pillows and myself armed with “The Chin.” My weapon of choice is perfect for digging between ribs and shoulder blades extracting shrieks of breathless laughter. I like my little friend, my little friend “The Chin.”
It was in the middle of this cacophony that Kai screamed she was bleeding. As we paused I saw on her lip blood and then she wiggled her font tooth. And it seemed to me that it would wiggle straight from the gums into her palm. And then the other wiggled. I nearly crapped myself. It’s too early for her to lose her baby teeth!
Apparently not, because a few days later I was sitting in front of her looping thread between thread scouring my mind to remember how my dad tied the knot he used to pull my teeth. That’s when it hit me, my baby isn’t a baby, she’s a kid and more importantly, she’s going to remember this and she’s going to remember what her dad did for her first teeth and she’s actually like, a person-person. Not just a baby person but a person with opinions, and memories and more opinions. Crap, that makes me a dad-dad, not just a baby’s-dad but a dad-dad that has to walk his daughter down a wedding isle someday, and scare her first boyfriend dad-dad.
When did this happen!? When did I become a dad-dad—then Kai’s tooth went flying through the air and tick-tacked itself to a stop on the hardwood floor. Just like that it was pulled out of her mouth and lay still. Just like that she had gone from baby to kid and she could go as easily from kid to…teen…to adult?
How swiftly the string of time pulls us from infant to adult. If I’m not careful it could I could miss it like a pulled tooth sailing through the air. I’m a dad-dad. I need to slow down enjoy my kid-kids before they’re gone-gone.
February 18th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Hey dude. Thanks for sharing. I realize day after day while Elaina is pregnant that I am a father already.
February 18th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
To paraphrase someone much wiser than I:
Revelations always happen “all of a sudden.” There is always a single moment when the obvious becomes clear.
Here’s to more of them!
February 18th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Then there’s that recognition that we are in charge of souls that will last forever. What are we going to do about that? Great writing.
February 18th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Stop making me think-think.
peace|dewde